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You want your parents alive but what do they want?
Helping someone with their death means following their wishes BUT can you really be true to those?
When an event triggers the imminent death of a loved one, many people resort to treating that individual like a child. That is unfair since that person had their own thoughts about the dying process which they (hopefully) shared in writing and in conversations. The medical community left without directives will continue to work to save the person - with no regard for quality of life.
The purpose of an advanced directive is to stipulate how much medical intervention one wants and at what point one wants to just be allowed to die. Very often a caring, loving, well-meaning relative "forgets" the wishes and just goes from their own needs and wishes. "I don't want to let Mom or Dad or Becky or whomever go"....I want them here on earth even if they can't eat or talk on their own," Is that fair? Is that selfish? Sure there is an advanced directive that someone has but following it is tougher than you may think.
My two friends both told me "oh don't worry there is a DNR (do not resuscitate order on file).....but that is not the same! DNR means that if the individual is actually legally dead - stops breathing - that the medical personnel is not to "shock" them back into life. BUT that is a small part of the wishes that individuals can make.
Please realize that a DNR does not signify all of a person's wishes unless that has been clearly stated. A friend yesterday said "even though I should send her to the hospital I know that in this weakened condition she would never get home to die." Awesome! You are right - and since her "care and feeding instructions" said to let her die at home you are listening to her.
And to my other friend with a Dad who is still lucid but who requires too much oxygen to risk the trip home, what does your dad want ? Did you ask him before this last event happened? Are you speaking for him or for your mom or for yourself? Are you afraid to face the consequences of moving him as he wanted? Or are the medical staff telling you what is best? What is your goal? What were his wishes?
The young child needed guidance as s/he hadn't developed a personal game plan. However, your dying loved one is not a child. Listen to their game plan and wishes!
When does your own desire not to have a loved one die and the wishes of that person conflict? Are you abusing the trust that person placed in you to follow through with their wishes? Sure it is hard to think of that person as dead but we are all going to get there. Please let me die as much as possible under my own terms.
also
We have countless jokes online and in person about nonstop phone calls at all hours begging you to extend your car warranty - even when you don't own a car! But we don't talk about death. AND we all have death in common!
Upon death, even if your legal paperwork is completed will there be problems? Tell others about your wishes. Make changes as often as you want but be sure your loved ones know. Problems arise when loved ones disagree. Money can do that to wills.
You don't have to discuss death daily. Yet you need to face that we all will die. Give yourself a rest sometimes but remember that each day is precious.