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Time to get thinking about death...
To Ignore Death is to Ignore Life
We have songs about death, we promote graphic violence and killing on our TV and movie screens and in our video games, but we have a strong aversion to talk about death like it is. Even Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and his pieces couldn’t be put back together. Yet we have a syndrome called “death avoidance”….yet we all know that we can’t avoid death itself. Talking about death does not lead to death.
Death somehow is the enemy to a doctor. Doctors focus on saving and sustaining lives at all costs. We have all sorts of euphemisms about death – someone “expires” or “passes away” or “perishes” or “shuffles off”.
And we talk about health issues like they are ongoing battles to be fought. Surely if you are strong and have all signs of recovery, fighting makes sense. However, at some times you can’t defy a poor prognosis.
If we pretend that mortality doesn’t exist – if we answer every question with “I am so very busy” – does that mean we will live forever? Or does that just excuse us for planning for g good death?
I have learned that those who have had to face their own mortality every day are often the very best teachers for the rest of us. A Make a Wish 16 year old girl that I have volunteered with for over three years, laughs and smiles at everything. She is bound to a huge bulky wheelchair clad in tubes, diapers, and less than sexy attire. She doesn’t notice. She asks just about everyone she comes across if she can hug them.
The threat of dying can in effect magnify the glory of life. Yet some people when given a grim diagnosis or prognosis respond with “poor me” and “why me”? Yet the true answer is “why not”? Life holds no promises even though we may treat each day as “just another day”….and then one day it will be too late.
The friendships you have been able to cherish for decades are more important as you lie trying to feign comfort when every part of your body aches. You realize that enormity of the importance of the little things in life as you keep working to put your mortality out of your mind. How do we respond to a friend when the shadow of death rears its head? Why did we wait for such a dark reminder to tell them how much we love them?
How do you measure your life? Is it “I want to live to be 110?” or is it “I want to left a mark on the world by changing _______ or adding _____” allowing your mind to fill in the blanks?
And if you are fortunate enough to do what you love in the world and also live a long life, have you noticed the “helicopter old age parenting” many people do? An older aged man begins to cross the street along with a gaggle of adults when someone takes his arm. The child of an aging parent commands “you can’t continue those dancing classes as you might hurt yourself”. Wow. If the person is living their passion who are you to stop them?
also
We have countless jokes online and in person about nonstop phone calls at all hours begging you to extend your car warranty - even when you don't own a car! But we don't talk about death. AND we all have death in common!
Upon death, even if your legal paperwork is completed will there be problems? Tell others about your wishes. Make changes as often as you want but be sure your loved ones know. Problems arise when loved ones disagree. Money can do that to wills.
You don't have to discuss death daily. Yet you need to face that we all will die. Give yourself a rest sometimes but remember that each day is precious.