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Getting THE Conversation Going ..Talking About Death
THE "conversation" is easier the more we broach it. You can be the one to open the doors to dialogue!
Research shows that about 90% of Americans believe that having a will and related papers in place is important. Even if we look at only the only 55 year old population, less than 55% have a will. And only one-third have an advance health care directive. Some will tell you that millennials are the “death positive” generation. The National Funeral Directors Association cites that 15.8% of Americans between 18 and 39 think that they should plan their funeral before age 40.
We need to kick it up! We don't know when we are going to die!
What is an advance health care directive? It differs a bit state by state but a quick check in at https://www.medicinenet.com/advance_medical_directive_sample_form/views.htm
shows you an example. More on-line searching can lead to state specific examples. An advance health care directive – a living will - is a legal document (but no lawyer needed) that states a person’s wishes about receiving medical care if that person is no longer able to make medical decisions because of a serious illness or injury. An advance directive may also give a person (such as a spouse, relative, or friend) the authority to make medical decisions for another person when that person can no longer make decisions. There are different types of advance directives, including a living will, durable power of attorney (DPA) for healthcare, and do not resuscitate (DNR) orders.
DNR is only about whether one wants to be given CPR if their heart stops beating. It is NOT about what other medical interventions one wants and does not want.
So you start talking to a friend or loved one about death and who they know who has died. You finally make the progression to “so what can I do about it”? Your response is to talk about the minimum paperwork that should be done.
Prior blogs reference many sites where you can find the state specific paperwork to get things going – without expense!
However, let’s assume that they still don’t make any effort to move forward with doing something. How about playing to their personality?
Ideas-
• Ask who they used to help them complete their will and related materials. Continue to ask what they feel is the strength of the paperwork they have done. Silence speaks volumes. You aren’t telling them to do something – you are asking them to help you!
• Remind them that doing nothing means that state law will govern how assets are handled and divided. It also states what fee is paid to the state for having served as the “required” executor.
• Get facts on what the implications of taxes if they do not do anything. No one likes the idea of paying taxes – especially after death when the money had already been taxed.
• Bring in the free papers available on line and sit down together to complete a make-believe set. Demonstrate how painless it really is to complete.
See my next blog on another way to approach the importance of facing the inevitability of death.
Plan for your hard earned money or the government will should you die.
also
We have countless jokes online and in person about nonstop phone calls at all hours begging you to extend your car warranty - even when you don't own a car! But we don't talk about death. AND we all have death in common!
Upon death, even if your legal paperwork is completed will there be problems? Tell others about your wishes. Make changes as often as you want but be sure your loved ones know. Problems arise when loved ones disagree. Money can do that to wills.
You don't have to discuss death daily. Yet you need to face that we all will die. Give yourself a rest sometimes but remember that each day is precious.